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Lulu Marie Brady's avatar

I can really relate to these feelings.

I still have trouble trusting the safety and peace of my relationship, even after 15 years.

I still push him away out of fear and flinch at the memory of what a hand touching me or a certain look used to mean.

After over 20 years of not feeling safe to relax, it is hard to unlearn the hypervigilance.

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Lindsay Douglas (they / them)'s avatar

I feel this. It's still so hard for me too. I frequently have to ask him if he still loves me or likes me. I still wonder if he's mad at me or resents me if I say "no" to him or do not want to do the same thing as him. He has never been mad at me. Not even once. But a few men have made me flinch and one in particular has been really cruel to me for saying "no". It's hard for my body and mind to forget

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Lulu Marie Brady's avatar

I so get this. The first man in my life made me believe deeply that all men couldn't be trusted and only wanted one thing from me.

Undoing those beliefs takes time and work, but we have the strength and courage to do hard things. ❤️‍🔥

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Lindsay Douglas (they / them)'s avatar

Yes we do. Having a patient and loving partner helps too. 🥰

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Cary's avatar

This idea of a weekly check-in is really great. Thank you.

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Lindsay Douglas (they / them)'s avatar

It works for us so well because I can be anxious and he can be avoidant and we can both struggle to speak our minds. But the weekly check ins help us overcome those challenges pretty well.

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Cary's avatar

My wife is not the best of communicators (though she is getting better), and I have the usual autism-related stuff (principally poor exec. function), so we’re in a similar boat.

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